How to Avoid the Crazy Girlfriend

As much as it pains me to admit this, however when it comes to women, men can be, for lack of a better word, dense.  Actually, more to the point, we can be plain old dumb.  We let the wrong members of our bodies do our thinking and call it love.  However, if were to be honest, love is often the furthest thing from our minds and this gets us in trouble. Lots of trouble.

Love Reason Beyond Common Sense - That is Not Always Good

Dating and being in love should be a full on blast, but let's be honest, dating these days is a risky endeavor, fraught with unrealized expectations, and many disappointments so, we throw in the towel and join the "he-man women hater's club." claiming that it is not worth it, when even the most cynical of us men, would admit after a few shots of our favorite libation that we'd like to find someone special and fall in love.    It is not love that is the problem but often with whom we choose to engage in this most fundamental of rituals: mating.  How many times have you had your hopes dashed after you thought you have found the girl of your dreams to only find out that she really is your worst nightmare?     

More than likely you did not heed the signs.  Signs?  There were signs? Yes, there were signs and you probably did not heed them.  Believe it or not, the process is much simpler than you’d expect.  

The First Step is to Listen

I am not kidding, and I know this because I have to remind myself of the same thing as well.  We would avoid 80% of the problems with women if we just became practiced in the art of listening.   So many times we are too busy trying to impress the girl and we ignore the tell tale signs, which are screaming at us, begging us; to pay attention so we can either stay in there or run for the hills.  So, are a few you should be listening for.

Relationships with Family

How are her relationships with her family, particularly with her father?  Look all relationships have bumps, but for a girl this is tantamount to her progress.  If there were issues in the past, make sure they are resolved and healed.   I spent three years in a messy on again off again relationship because I missed all the signs regarding the relationship issues this particular girl still had with her father.  If you are able to find out right there on the spot, do it! Don't be afraid to ask her friends and family about her past relationships.

Relationships with Friends

How are her relationships with her friends, particularly her same gender friends?  Women can be highly competitive and catty, so let's see how important her friends are to her.  How is her language when she speaks about them?  Is it edifying or honoring? Does she build them up or tear them down?   If she is a good friend, she is a keeper, if not, fish elsewhere.  Because is she does not have good relationships with her friends, you, my friend, do not stand a chance.  Also, the same gender is important because dude, if the girl only has male friends, your internal pit crew should be waving a yellow flag waiting to turn red and bring you in off of the track. 

Are They Well Rounded

Is she involved in anything outside of herself?   I realize in this day and age a giving heart with a penchant for philanthropy is a lot to ask, but what he heck, ask!   Find out what her interests are.  Is she in involved with a church, or a civic organization that enhances and enriches her community?  Does she volunteer somewhere?  Some men do not look for this, others do  - this young man does. 

Emotional Intelligence

In short, the emotional state in which she talks about the things she talks about, in the first three steps. This is the most obvious one, but an important one and how a person speaks is as much a sign as to what they speak about.  When I was younger I made the mistake of associating cynicism with a high level of intelligence.  I thought the " darker" the world view, the more intelligent the young lady was. 

Man, was I wrong.  So, I learned to listen for her emotional state and ask myself the basics.  Obviously some gals are better actresses than others, but in time, you'll be able to discern where she is at on this one.  Ask yourself if she hopeful, enthusiastic and optimistic, or downright depressed and angry?  

Angry women are a hoot on television, because they are charming, well written  she devils that are hotter than the girl you probably deserve in real life.  But this is real life and as the good book says, it is better to be alone on a roof, than to share a house with a contentious and faultfinding women.  If you are looking to be someone's emotional punching bag then by all means, find an angry, bitter, fault finding girl, especially one with daddy issues and get the high price abuse that comes from visiting the dungeons of a well seasoned dominatrix.   

If you are not interested in being flogged emotionally, then run like a man on fire.

Style of Communication

Does she use controlling and corrosively faultfinding language?  Does the girl in front of you constantly criticize everything around her?  Does she contradict everything that is said or offered to her?   Is she argumentative to point of being contentious even if it is in the guise of ' trying to help you ' or  ' trying to alter your perspective, '  a term I actually heard a woman use on me as she was telling me how to properly drive my Alfa Romeo, a car she was incapable of driving!    Needless to say, I did not ask her out a second time.  Another question to ask is if she is inclusive or exclusive in her language?  In other words, does she make it so that she excludes other opinions and viewpoints or is she open to having other people's opinion's and personalities?  If she cannot allow others to be involved in a mere conversation, you might as well call it day with her because imagine what it will be like trying to negotiate wedding plans, vacations spots, your children's education and other more important life issues.   

Controls Your Life

Your new favorite color is pink, apparently tofu tastes better than steak, figure skating has become more exciting than hockey, and now you absolutely cringe when looking at beautiful women.

Be cautious of women who like to impose their likes and dislikes upon men -- especially those who say, "I know you don't like it honey, but trust me, what I'm doing will be good for the relationship. You'll thank me one day."
Needs Constant Attention

She cannot spend a moment without speaking to you, or calls your portable phone, your home, pages you, then calls your portable, your home, and then back to your portable, your home, and leaves the following message: "I know you're home, pick up the phone." Then calls your portable phone, your home, pages you, then calls your portable... you get the point.

Makes paranoid assumptions

If you can't come home late from work (I'm talking 5 minutes late here) without the third degree, or if you happen to look at another woman, and she asks, "So would you f*ck her? Huh? Would you f*ck her, you bastard?", then you might be in bigger trouble than you think.

Caution, if that devilish voice of hers makes it back into the conversation, you might want to keep your mouth shut for your own safety -- especially if she starts laughing like Joaquin Phoenix in “Joker.”

A Habitual Liar

At first, it was funny that she never really had a little dog named Fido. The white lie she told you about never getting your mother's dinner invitation was harmless. The fib she told you about being a dance instructor was strange. The lie she told you about not following you to work was scary. Do you see a pattern here?

Ending it Smoothly

One or more of the above signs are indications that you are not in a relationship with someone who is emotional stable and mentally sound. I know that sounds harsh, however it ia reality we face.

Therefore, it is best that you break it off as quickly, and as smoothly as possible.

Someone in a normal situation will just end the relationship, but in this particular predicament, you have to take careful steps so that you don't make the situation worse. What usually drives her to act in such an irrational way is her certainty that you are the best person for her and she must keep you at all costs.

Here are a few tips to end the relationship and protect yourself should the situation become ugly.

Keep It Classy

Do not treat her with disrespect.  The world has enough schmucks, do not add to the population.  Also, if you're mean to her, she may stick to you like a moth to a flame. Remember, the fact that you're even more unattainable makes her attraction all the more fatal.

So, be nice; those guys finish last, and that's where you want to be on her list.

Do a Background Check

In extreme cases, you should consider snooping into her past. Ask her friends and family about her past relationships, or try speaking to her ex-boyfriends. And yes, it is definitely a bad sign if there are no traces of any of her past lovers.
Cover Your Back

Before actually going through with the breakup, make sure you have all your angles covered. You do not want to do anything that will make her resentful towards you and or retaliate on you or a future partner, or family member.

Be Aware

She might begin stalking you to see if you're with another woman. This author recommends that you hold off on bringing another woman into your life until you're sure that the dust has settled.

Keep Records and Reports with Authorities

If she begins to stalk you or make threats, report it to the police right away. You need to have a history of complaints in order to cover your back if and when she decides to make false accusations against you. Keeping records and opening a file on your particular case will also help with the restraining order.

Obtain a Restraining Order

If you find that you cannot lead a normal life without constantly watching your back out of fear of retaliation, then maybe it is time to take legal action.

Change Location

A restraining order serves as a wake up call, letting the ex-girlfriend know that you're serious about no longer wanting to see her.

However, it only works on people who are willing to follow it; it doesn't necessarily mean that you're out of danger. If you feel that she's still an explosive hazard, then move to another city without leaving a trace.

Remember: This is Not Normal

Nor should you accept it as normal, “the way things are today,” “‘your cross to bear,” or any other asinine rationalization you may choose which medicates your conscience, thereby stopping you from protecting yourself and you loved ones.

No one, male nor female was created to be another person’s emotional or physical punching bag.  That is not love.  It is abuse.

The good news you can avoid much heart ache and trouble if you simply listen for these signs and believe it or not, they are there in every conversation with almost every woman you meet. 

Gents, all the best on this one.